I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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