Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
