someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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