I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
