You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
