the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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