He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
