My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
