franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
