I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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