I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
