Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
