I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So vagazzling was a success
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
