I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i've created a new STD.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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