she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
