I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
