Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
