I am in a vortex of obligation.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
