i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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