Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
