I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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