now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
