Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
