i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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