God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
