I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
