marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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