i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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