Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
