I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
