So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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