OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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