Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
