If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
