why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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