I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
