help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
