I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
