real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
