I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
