i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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