I haven't been this sober since birth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
