Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
