i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
