his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
