I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
