so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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