I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
