Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
