Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
