I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
