Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
