i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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