My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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