im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
